Things are weeeeeirdd these days. Trump. Bannon. Radical Christians. Times are fucking bizarre and I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of absurd news that can’t possibly be true, but then IT ALL IS. Anyways, fuck that cheeto and his band of merry racists. I am trying to take a mini break from news just because its so overwhelming and reading LJ instead. There are so many issues I care about that are just being pulverized I don't know how best to focus my energies right now. I have gone to two protests and feel really good about that, I think its a great way to be like, 'you can't ignore us' and I find it energizing as oppose to other forms of engagement. I was calling my represantatives incessantly about opposing various cabinet appointments and it just felt draining because of course they are both republicans and fucking voting in despite record amounts of people like me calling in to oppose. I also want to get involved in a group doing more stuff but since I am moving, feel a little torn about doing it here. Also, I don't always agree with some of the motivations others have, so yeah I really wanna figure out a better approach.
In other news, we are feeling a lil sad about our cute house here and nice roommate living situation ending soon. Al and I only planned to be here for 2 years so he can get his Master’s but there was still a slim chance he'd get a job around here or in DC. But I am happy to return West. He applied to PhD programs in Utah (Logan), Colorado (Fort Collins) and Montana (Missoula) as I think I have mentioned. So far our top choices have flip flopped quite a bit. Fort Collins is probably the coolest town on the list and we both loved Colorado and would be perfectly happy moving back there. Missoula is also a pretty cool town too. Logan is by far the least cool town but would logically ( in a purely academic career sense) be the best choice. Since Al want’s to study water, his advisor in Logan, would have the absolute sweetest connections. He’s been doing research on the Colorado River for 30+ years so he’s the most established and well connected of the three potential advisors. Like Alex would potentially be able to do research trips in the Grand Canyon and other shit like that. And the pay is crazy low but so is the cost of living so we'd be buying a house probably. And outdoor access is nice, plus his advisor mentioned he'd leverage his connections to help me find outdoor work nearby, but who knows.
The way I feel about Logan varies quite a bit although I think we've ruled it out for the most part.... it would be really hard to live in a town that boring but the outdoor access would be really good? And I’d think be able to find work. Maybe? But the huge and oppressive Mormon population would mean I'd have very few friends, and i've already had very few friends just from having to move alot lately so I really want friends again! I even fantasized about sort of befriending and learning more about Mormons, but everyone who has lived there has told me that they are a pretty closed socially to non-Mormons. And there is no real culture (beyond Mormon) thus like only 10 -20 small businesses so I might only be working a job 6 months out of the year? Although a quick search for Logan reveals only 3 jobs, one of which I might be qualified to apply, but USA jobs is really whack right now so that might not mean much. Trumps hiring freeze has thrown a real wrench in this. My contact says seasonals will still be hired but he's very very nervous about future stuff and has been saying increasingly dark things each time I talk to him. Most recently he was like, well if there's no nuclear holocaust between now and then we should be fine! Anyway the job was supposed to posted from Feb 2-8, and so far every day I have checked, the job wasn't posted until the 16th! Anyways, I applied this weekend and today I will be double checking for errors and probably applying to more.
So ready to be done with my current jobs. While I am glad I got mental health experience, I really dread going into work like every time. There's always someone refusing meds or threatening to run away or actually running away (i have chased on foot) or cutting themselves or trying to fight another guest or punching holes in the wall etc... I thought I would kind of adapt to the stress but I feel like I sway between being more sensitive and also just have less patience/empathy with it. I know its not really their fault, these people have been clinically diagnosed with limited intellegence and then were exposed to traumatic events so it feels unfair to feel my patience weakening, and then I just feel like a bad person. I try and remind myself I am just not meant to be in this field at least with this particular population. I never thought I would click with this population to begin with so I guess its not surprising, also Alex's aunt who was a social worker, told me when I started that it was basically the worst job in the field. I was like, ugh. Thanks? And now that I didn't get in to the one grad school I applied to and have had this negative work experience I feel really turned off from doing social work, which I think she is disappointed about. But you have to love that work (and she did) because when I was quizzing her about it she was like, "its common to look for work every 3-5 years because funding runs out and whole programs shut down and everyone gets laid off" and that on top of all the emotional stress of working that job and the fact that you'd be constantly getting fired while worrying about paying off grad school debt was unappealing from the beginning. Plus Al is annoyingly almost certainly going to need to bounce around to at least one more state (even after this next move, ugh). Social work requires state licensures and each state has its own process so it doesn't even seem practical to invest in a degree I might not even be able to use but then would still be in thousands of dollars in debt for. When I mentioned this to him, he definitely wasn't like "ok let's pick a state to live in then". So fuck it, back to the woods!